It could be the key to motivation and planning
Ever since we can remember we have known that we feel emotions and that as we grow older we come to learn that there are proper ways and improper ways to express those emotions. For many of us as we grow up we tend to lose the ability to “feel how we feel.” That is, we can get disconnected from ourselves and just be on “auto-pilot,” doom-scrolling through social media, mindlessly clicking from video to video, or worse, fall into all sorts of addictions. One way to help us stay out of that auto-pilot feeling is to start writing down our plans for the day, either first thing in the morning or the night before as we go to sleep. Whatever technique you decide to practice to improve your intentionality of action, it is important to develop the skill of self-talk.
Self-talk is more than just that internal monologue as described in the Psychology Today article linked above. Self-talk can actually be controlled. Yes. You can actually control what sorts of words, thoughts, and emotions to tell yourself. The most important thing in your self-talk is to tell yourself the truth. The truth about yourself, your situation, your relationships, everything. Often speaking the brutal truth to yourself can pull you back from the brink of falling into negative behavior. But how exactly do you go about doing this?
Put words to emotions i.e. translate them
Some people teach “Get in touch with your emotions/feelings” for our mental health. It is good to take some time and check in with yourself. Literally ask yourself, as you would a close friend, “How are you feeling? What’s happening? What is going on?” If you do this right you might hear your internal turmoil bubble up. You will feel what is really bothering you and then you can even put it into words (writing it out helps). Even for positive emotions, this is helpful. The emotions inside are often not in human language and they need help to get translated into words. So you, like a good friend, help yourself out by being patient and helping yourself put whatever you are feeling into words. Once your emotion/feeling is put into words you can respond to it with the truth.
Morning, evening, and time to check in throughout the day
It is of vital importance to keep the truth in front of your mind while doing this. This is key because telling yourself the truth about a situation is often what the emotional part of you needs to hear. I suggest that you practice doing this even if you feel no negative or overwhelming emotions. Upon waking up it would be good to check in with yourself and see how you are. Pick a time during the day when you do another check-in and then once again in the evening. This will help you develop a habit of listening to your inner thoughts and being able to respond to them with the truth.
Write out your thoughts
At the beginning of this practice, it may be helpful to write it out in a journal. Do not ramble though. Here is what I mean by not rambling in your journal. Follow this format:
- Ask yourself the questions: “How are you feeling? How are you doing? What is going on today/right now?”
- Take a deep breath and feel the emotion. Start to write and try to put into words what you feel. (Ok, you can ramble a little here.) At the start, it may feel weird to just sit there and try to put into words your emotions/feelings.
- Once you have the emotion/feeling translated, speak the truth to yourself.
Do not lie to yourself. Think again of how you are your own best friend. If your best friend or child came to you with a difficult problem or situation would you lie to them? No, you would tell them the truth in love.
Practice, practice, practice
Do this every day. Three times a day and you will see you will start to affect how you speak to yourself. Start consuming good positive content and that will give you better ways to speak to yourself. The more positive and uplifting content you ingest the easier it will be to have good positive thoughts which in turn will help you improve your thoughts. So practice.
For more on self-talk check out this video by Mark Queppet who goes into way more detail and a bit more nuance from what you read here.